4 Important Facts I’ve Learned Since Seeking Therapy

Ignoring the negative stereotypes placed on seeking counseling.

Am I the only one who used to think seeing a therapist meant you were crazy? Now I see my counselor twice a month and sometimes more. This is not because I am crazy (not that there is anything wrong with that) but because I, too, like a lot of people my age, struggle with my thoughts and emotions at times. Talking to a counselor has helped me tremendously over the years. It’s funny how much society looks down on mental health and seeking help for it. Many negative stereotypes about seeking mental health professionals exist in the minds of people of all ages. While some of these stereotypes may hold some truth to them, they prevent people in need from seeking therapy due to false beliefs or negative experiences they've heard from others who never really gave it a fair chance. I used to be one of those people who avoided therapy because of these misconceptions.

Seeking counseling can be scary for most. I won’t lie and say it’s easy to do. When I first started therapy, I wasn’t very optimistic about it. Mental health was an unknown territory for me. However, I soon realized how counseling actually works and it has helped me greatly in managing my mental health.

For those who have never been to a counselor, here are a few things I’ve learned that may help you feel a bit more comfortable about seeking professional help for yourself. This way, you can approach the experience with a more positive and well-informed mindset.

1. It may take a few attempts to find the right counselor.

My first counselor was not a good fit for me. He didn’t try to understand what I was trying to express and was always reading me inspirational quotes from some pamphlet he had instead, as if he didn’t know how to get to the root of my issues. We just couldn’t establish enough of a connection to help with my mental recovery. After each session, I felt as if I didn’t make any progress at all.

After that unfulfilling experience with my first counselor, I eventually discovered a different mental health practice and thought I’d try my luck with them. My next counselor (who I still see currently) is a lot better than the previous one. He asked questions to better understand me and my situation, he helped me see things from a different perspective, as well as just making me feel as though I made some sort of progress by the end of the sessions.

"A good therapist is someone whom you feel comfortable, safe, and connected with."

It might feel that way for you just starting your mental health journey. It all comes down to whether or not your counselor can relate to you somewhat, whether they are easy to access and reach out to if need be, and sometimes how much experience they have. My first counselor probably didn’t have too much experience talking to someone like myself. Some counselors are not meant for you, while some are just simply not good counselors, but that’s ok. Don’t let your poor experience with the first couple of counselors diminish you from your mental health journey. It just takes some time to find the proper counselor best suited for you.

2. Expect to get better after some time.

Unfortunately, you will not be cured of your problems after the first few sessions of therapy. Healing from trauma and learning to manage your mental health takes a considerable amount of time. Think of it like an actual flesh wound. No matter how small or severe the wound may be, it will always take a few days for the pain to subside, a few more for the wound to close up, and then a few more for the scar to heal as well (everyone also heals a bit different as well). The same goes for any trauma wound. It could take from about a few months to upwards to about a year until you start to feel better.

"Recovery is a process. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes everything you’ve got"

I began seeing my current counselor in 2017 when I was going through a severe depression phase. It took me almost two years to feel like a functional person again, which may seem like a long time. However, it's important to understand that it takes time to heal from untreated pain that has been lingering for years. Just remember to take your time and I promise things will get better in time.

3. You may feel worse before you feel better.

Don’t let the header scare you. It’s not anything too drastic. All I’m trying to say is while healing from a mental disorder, you may experience a period where you feel a bit worse about yourself or whatever you went through before you actually start to heal. The reason for this is that your counselor might put some things into your perspective or reveal some things that you may have missed or done and never even noticed before. As a result, you may start to reminisce on everything and start to question every negative action, thought, experience, and so forth, having this wild epiphany that may feel although it is setting you back a few steps.

"Healing hurts. If you break your leg, there is no stage in the healing process when your leg feels better than it does after it has healed. There is pain and itching and loss of strength. From the moment your leg is broken, it continues to feel bad … until, gradually, it starts to feel less bad. It’s appropriate that it hurts"

Although you may feel worse, it is for the better. Part of healing from mental trauma is fully feeling the mental trauma. The counselor only wants you to understand what’s actually going on in your head and around you to help you not to make you feel worse about yourself. Not to sound cliche now, but it will get better in the long run.

4. Therapy is a lot of work.

The hardest part about attending therapy for me was implementing what I learned during my sessions into my daily life consistently. Most counselors will assign you some sort of homework and it is important to do said homework often. It’s not actually homework, it’s more like challenges and practices to help you heal and get better when you are not on the counselor's couch.

Most of these tasks could consist of free-form journaling, writing down things that trigger you as you experience them, challenging any negative thoughts that pop into your head with positive ones, planning pleasant events that cater to your hobbies either with loved ones or solo, practicing mindfulness, and much more. At times it could feel like a lot just to do one of these simple tasks when you’re in the process of healing, which is why it takes some effort.

It took me a while to understand that to get better, I have to want to get better and make the effort to do thing things my counselor suggested to better myself. You can’t improve in anything in life if you never practice and put in the work.

My overall opinion on seeking counseling changed drastically after attending it myself. I suggest everyone struggling with their mental health should sit and talk to a professional at least once. Ignore all of the negative opinions surrounding counseling. Even if you aren't struggling with mental health, it is perfectly fine to ask a professional for their opinion about your thoughts and emotions. At the end of it all you have to do what’s best for you, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out for help.