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Depression Makes Me More Efficient


During my journey of self-discovery, I have discovered one major trait about myself that I wish weren’t true. I perform better when I am deeply depressed.

Of course, there are different stages of depression, so I’m obviously not productive when I am stuck in bed for hours a day. But when I am somewhat functioning, I realize how much more efficient I am at almost everything.

When I was in a good mental space at the beginning of college, I struggled to remember to do my school work and attend classes because I was more interested in pursuing my hobbies than focusing on my education. However, when I was feeling depressed, all I could do was work. It became the only way to get out of bed, and I had no interest in any of my hobbies.

It's sad, I know, but it worked. I was able to get through the majority of college due to my efficiency while I was depressed. Depression even helped me achieve certifications in computers that led to two decent jobs. I was offered a promotion in only 4 months in one of those jobs.

I was even able to lose weight and change my physical health while depressed. Something I struggled to do while I was happy because I loved to go out and eat my favorite foods all of the time. I lost nearly 60 pounds while depressed.

I find that I have a higher level of discipline when I'm feeling down compared to when I'm not. During these times, I lack interest in things I normally enjoy, and it feels like discipline is all I have left. Although I experience bursts of motivation when I'm happy and mentally healthy, it tends to fade quickly. I believe that discipline is the real key to success, and I seem to possess more of it when I'm feeling depressed.

I don’t want to be depressed for the rest of my life. It’s not healthy. I need to find a way to heal and develop better mental habits while maintaining the same level of discipline. I want to find a way to compromise and stay consistent and focused when I’m in a good mental state.

My suggestion is if you ever feel that being depressed is the best way to become successful, seek professional help. Nobody should ever have to live like they are soulless machines designed only to work and not enjoy the wonders of life. Everyone deserves to be happy! Even myself.

With that being said, this is going to be a personal goal of mine for the remainder of the year. I no longer want to reach my goals while suffering mentally. I want to be happy and achieve them as well. I need to go from being sad and efficient to being happy and efficient. The first step towards that starts today!

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