The Curse Of The INFJ

I remember the first time I discovered what my personality type is. After taking three separate quizzes, I consistently ended up with the same results—the INFJ.

Introvert (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), and Judging (J) are the four main traits of an INFJ. This acronym comes from the Myers-Briggs psychological types assessment for those who are unaware. The Myers-Briggs assessment was created in 1943 by two college graduates to help indicate a person's personality type. Although the Myers-Briggs test is well constructed to help determine one’s personality, it is mostly a theory based on rough tendencies rather than distinct classifications. I find them to be pretty accurate about 90% of the time.

The INFJ is the rarest of the 16 personality types making up only 2.3% of the population while the INFJ man only makes up 1.5%. Although we are known as idealists or advocates, unfortunately, not everything about the INFJ is sunshine and roses. INFJs have something I like to call a “curse” we all share. By "curse" I mean unique attributes and characteristics that make things difficult for your average INFJ.

INFJs Burnout Very Quickly.

Everyone experiences burnout at least once in their lifetime, but for the INFJ, it is much more frequent than you think. INFJs are known for being empaths and perfectionists, meaning they often prioritize helping others before themselves and feel the need to overachieve. With these qualities, INFJs work overtime to try and understand other’s feelings and emotions to help them as well as trying to become the best that they can be. This results in extreme fatigue and mental exhaustion.

From my experience, a great number of my peers turn to me to give them advice or hear them vent, because of how good of a listener I am. I am often expected to act as a free counselor for people whenever they need it. It can be extremely draining at times, especially when a number of them don’t take the advice given to them. I often find myself avoiding certain individuals when it gets too overwhelming (which sometimes leads to guilt) and need to recharge before I even think about helping anyone else.

As for being a perfectionist, things almost always have to be perfect for most INFJs. It almost feels as though they’re cheating themselves if they don’t put in full effort and reach their unreasonably high expectations. If something is not how they envision it in their minds, then they are not finished. INFJs will work until exhaustion to obtain their goals, which doesn’t always end well for them. This is something I struggled with for years and although it may have helped me achieve great feats in the past, it also destroyed some as well.

INFJs Are Constantly Misunderstood

There is nothing more frustrating than having to explain myself to someone just for them to disregard everything and come up with their own conclusion about me. This is common for INFJs, unfortunately. INFJs are almost always misunderstood by the average person due to their intense nature, their introverted intuition, and their hypersensitivity to other’s emotions and feelings.

INFJs are very intuitive. They are processing data and coming up with unique ideas in their heads 90% of the time. They feel like it is worthless when they share these ideas and conclusions that most can’t comprehend. It’s never a great feeling when you devise a well-thought-out idea and it gets shut down for being “weird”.

INFJs also often show extreme passion. From their favorite hobbies to their stance on a cause, they will always show their full excitement and care about the topic, and that may be a little much for most people. This causes most people to look at the INFJ a little funny by those who don’t share the same amount of passion as them.

People often mistake an INFJ for being cold as well. Although they are Introverts they have Extroverted feelings. They can sense the emotions and feelings of the people around them, and they often are willing to help out anyone without hesitation. It’s when they help someone out and then go into their introverted mode and no longer speak do people start to question their true intentions or feelings toward them. It’s nothing personal, they’re just observing.

INFJs Crave Both Intimacy and Solitude

This goes for both romantic and platonic relationships. INFJs love to have deep connections with their friends and significant other. They can stay up all night and talk to their closest friends for hours one day then go M.I.A. for a whole week.

It already takes a while for an INFJ to warm up to anyone, but when they do they feel like they can be around these certain people all the time. This is because of their highly empathetic nature that they crave these connections over going to bars or clubs with coworkers.

Occasionally, the INFJ will still take some significant time for themselves. Yes, INFJs love to be around those whom they share deep connections with, but they’re still introverts. INFJs need days of solitude to recharge and self-reflect. They must have a few days to themselves even from those they love the most.

I can say from experience that this trait has hurt a lot of great relationships in my past. This can be very confusing to most people and even to the INFJs themselves. Sometimes it is hard to properly balance the amount of intimacy and solitude needed for both parties, which then leads to hurting the relationships. I have tainted a few relationships with this in my past.

INFJs Hold Themselves To Ridiculously High Standards

This one I am the most guilty of. This sort of goes back to the INFJ being overachievers, they hold themselves to these unbelievably high standards. Not only does it cause the INFJ to burn out quicker, but it also adds unnecessary stress caused by disappointment and even self-loathing.

The reason why INFJs have such high standards for themselves is because they know what they are capable of. INFJs are one of the only personality types that both think and feel at high levels. They also are very structured and plan everything out carefully, so when things don’t seem to be making progress or flat-out fail, they get frustrated and blame no one else but themselves.

INFJs also feel that if they don’t reach that standard they hold themselves to then they have failed those around them. You have to remember that INFJs are selfless. They usually do things for others over themselves, so if they feel as though they can’t perform to what they believe is their best ability then they have let everyone down. It makes them feel less of a person.

INFJs struggle daily trying to live a normal life like most other personality types. They don’t follow the status quo, follow popular trends, or even think the same way as about 99% of the population (which makes us feel like aliens from another world), but they are still selfless, intelligent, and understanding people. INFJs are predominantly good people that a lot of other people do admire. So maybe saying we are “cursed” is a bit of an exaggeration.